Monday, November 15, 2004

Threats to health

I've been spending more time with my mother over the past year. It's not a picture-perfect relationship, believe me. But I'm trying. And after nearly five years of running from therapist to therapist (enough to make one crazy and drive one's mother into destitution), I'm finally making some progress.

My gawd, the ego's one tough cookie.

I mention this because as I blog about the increasing harassment and threats, it may seem like I'm constantly with my mother. While it's true I'm hanging out with her more, it's also true that the anomalies she's experiencing are definitely on the rise.

(I've had the sense that my mother's becoming more of a target for awhile - August 22.)

It's ironic that people often assume I'm paranoid or that I don't believe in coincidences. I'm actually a big believer in serendipity, synchronicity, astrology, intuition, miracles, and a Divine Creator. In fact, I think my surveillers have benefitted from my interest in these areas, and from observing people's innate belief in, and acceptance of, 'chance' happenings. I think it's enhanced their ability to manipulate social situations, and and emboldened their efforts.

Anyway, here's another strange incident:

Saturday, October 30 - I had two bouts of really bad runs. The suddenness and severity made me think of food poisoning (in fact, I bagged, taped, and froze my dinner leftovers the next day). But what's strange is I noticed I had no pain, gas, or cramping. Believe me, I'm very familiar with my own digestion and elimination processes.

I didn't mention anything to my mother - neither the sickness, nor the lack of typical symptoms.

November 6 - A week later, both my mother and I end up having severe diarrhea. I again did not say anything to her. But towards evening, as we were talking about something or other, my mother says, 'I'm not feeling very well. I had diarrhea five times today.' Then she adds, 'It's strange - I didn't have any gas or cramps - just the diarrhea.'

(All these little moments are so important; unfortunately, I dropped my 17-year old Walkman a few months ago, trying to transfer phone recordings onto my computer.)

Now also consider the fact that I had frantically emailed a bunch of people in August (or September?) out of concern for my life, and I specifically mentioned Mozilla's new 'BioBar' as having potential for nasty uses. (Too long to explain what led me to this concern.)

Let's backtrack a bit further. Not only have I had constant problems in my apartment, but in February 2003, I had bought a used test tube from a second-hand store for making shooters. Two weeks after I got it, it somehow developed a gaping hole. Hadn't even used it. No glass shards or cracks - just a perfectly cut hole.

(The cut test tube now looks like a phallus, and when I showed somebody, they actually laughed and made a comment. It's also worth noting that I'm bisexual and androgynous, a tomboy as a child, and I've been extremely vocal about queer rights, plus having trans friends, etc.)

That summer, I had my trans friend over a couple of times to try out my drinks. One day, I was putting away my freshly cleaned glasses and noticed a thick layer of clear crystallized substance at the bottom of a shot glass. I should've kept a sample, but didn't.

You can see my concerns about personal safety (for self and others) began quite awhile ago.

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